“O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.”
This scripture prayer is for someone. Someone doubting God knows they exist. Someone wondering if there is purpose behind their existence. Someone doubting God and creation. Someone wondering if their life is accidental.
I no longer believe that I was an accident of creation. But there was a time in my young life when all I could think (even as I performed as a student, in a job, as a daughter and friend) was that I wanted to disappear.
I tried to disappear.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
As a younger woman, I struggled with an eating disorder (anorexia)… actually that’s not true… At first, I gulped down the lies about my value and worth, which resulted in my compliance with and eventual embrace of an eating disorder. My unhealthy desire was that starving myself might help me disappear.
The struggle is real though. However, the struggle began when I came face to face with the Word of God that told me “God loves me and has good plans for me…” I didn’t know this was scripture, but I knew as sure as I’m breathing that God was speaking directly to me. He was present with me - on that particular morning right there in my dorm room.
That’s when the struggle for believing God over the lies began. That’s when the struggle to get to church began. That’s when the struggle to live in healing began.
That’s when the all out warfare for my thought life and habits heated up. The enemy is a liar. Culture lied. The advertising for body image was false.
And yet lies have to be overcome with the truth of God’s word and the blood of Christ. This is our testimony of redemption.
All I knew to be true at that point in time was that God chose me with His message of love and purposeful life. And I knew that I said yes to Jesus at age 9 in VBS at a church. The most reasonable next step seemed to be to look for God at church. And so, the following Sunday morning I dressed up early and walked to a local church near my college campus.
““Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a youth’; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the Lord.””
The Holy Spirit inspired the words of my video because He’s chosen you to hear, and to know that He is speaking to you. This message is for someone. If it’s you, and you’re doubting God knows you exist. Well, He knit you together in your mother’s womb. (Psalm 139:13)
If you’re the one who is wondering if there is purpose behind your existence. Well, God says you are His masterpiece created in Christ Jesus to do the good works God planned for you long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)
If it’s you doubting God and creation. I encourage you to read the creation story in Genesis 1-3 and John 1. And then keep going.
You’re not an accident. I’m not either. All of this is on purpose. God is speaking. He’s purposely inviting you to His communion table. If you’re still reading, you know it’s true.
How do you respond?
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him was not any thing made that was made.
In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”
